"Perfection consists not in doing extraordinary things, but in doing ordinary things extraordinarily well." -Angelique Arnaud

Yes, You Do Have a Choice!

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The college admission process has become increasingly stressful over the last few years, creating new levels of anxiety that many students and parents now perceive as “normal”. I believe that shifting our perspectives and adopting a new model for approaching the college admissions process can alleviate some of the stress of high school.

Below I outlined two models: Rewards-Based (the most prevalent model today) and Values-Based (the model I hope more people will choose). I want parents and students to realize that much of the high school experience will be determined not by outer circumstances but by the model chosen for college admission.

Is one model better than the other? No. But the experience is drastically different not to mention the long-term consequences on the individual and our society. So, take some time to review these models for admission. Discuss them with your spouse, your child, your friends, and your neighbors. Maybe you are not willing to embrace either model completely. That’s okay, too.

Many parents and students will resist adopting the Values-Based model out of fear, mainly the fear that the Values-Based model will lower a student’s chances for admission to a selective college. It is only natural to feel this way at a time when the college admissions process stresses competition over creativity, short-term “hoops” to jump through over intellectual prowess and creativity. So let me say this: embracing Values-Based model will not hurt a student’s chances for success. If anything, it will ensure that teens stay physically healthy, intellectually strong, and ethically sound. These traits create not only strong applicants but also successful adults.

So, please take some time to review these models. If you have any comments about what I have written, please contact me. I would love to hear other people’s experiences, feedback, and ideas about this important subject.

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Rewards-Based Model

Competition
  • Focus on class rank, standardized test scores, college rankings, etc.
  • Leads to over-scheduling of activities to “get the edge”; focus on outward rewards and honors
  • Students learn to measure themselves against others
  • Relaxation, sleep, and “family” time seen as a luxury rather than a necessity
Dependency
  • Belief that teenagers require supervision and monitoring or run the risk of "messing it up"
  • Leads to the overuse of tutors, coaches and other experts
  • Failure is avoided at all costs (which in the long term leads students to blame others for failings rather than take personal responsibility and change behaviors)
Myopia
  • Focus on short-term goals (getting into college) and ultra-short-term goals (getting a 2400 on the SAT)
  • Overemphasizes the importance of some activities (typically rewards-based) and underestimates the importance of others (typically values-based)
  • Requires students to jump through a series of "hoops" in order to win the "prize" of college admission (even if many of these “hoops” do not contribute greatly to intellectual or personal development)
Depletion
  • "No pain, no gain" philosophy
  • Leads to mental, emotional, and physical depletion
  • Sets the stage for anxiety and stress disorders, drug use and binge drinking, eating disorders, and, most tragically, suicide
Questions Most Often Asked By Students
  • Am I good enough?
  • What happens if I don’t get into a good school?
  • If I am doing everything "right", why am I so afraid I won’t get into college?
  • When will all of my hard work "pay off"??

Values-Based Model

Resilience
  • Teaches students (and parents) to focus on the journey, not the destination
  • Encourages students to make choices based on personal needs and desires, not on what may impress others (peers, parents, colleges, ...)
  • Teaches students to be flexible and open-minded in the college search without losing touch of personal values and creative spirit
Realism
  • Focus on setting realistic goals based on students natural talents, interests, and abilities
  • Leads to students creating a manageable schedule of activities focusing on those that support the student’s self-discovery process
  • Teaches students that good emotional and physical health requires students to make choices rather than running themselves ragged trying to "do it all"
Independence
  • Teaches students to be self-directed, allowing ample opportunity to gradually increase responsibilities
  • Encourages students to develop the inner resources to withstand inevitable ups and downs of life
  • Holds students accountable for their choices
Balance
  • Prioritizes maintenance of physical health, emotional balance, and creative spirit
  • Encourages students to make time for "play" and relaxation
  • Resists over-scheduling of activities, preferring to concentrate on quality rather than quantity
Questions Most-Often Asked By Students
  • How do I feel? Am I tired? Stressed? Excited? Happy?
  • What can I realistically accomplish and feel good about my effort?
  • Is this college a good fit for me?
  • What can I contribute? How can I serve others and be passionate about my work?
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